9 October 2013 is Mawar Mikaila expected due date.
1 October 2013…
Most women probably say their excited. I am more nervous than anything else. Since her conception until now I kept telling myself and everyone, nothing changes. I am still me, the same Rosz. So many doubts come to my mind. Will I be able to juggle with work and new baby? Will I travel frequently like I used to? Will Mawar Mikaila easy to take care after and going to be a good daughter?
Truth is .. things will change, I have to adapt like all mother in this world. But I don’t think making children the centre of my universe is the right thing for me. I need to stay happy to successfully making others happy . Having children is greatest blessing, but my life has never been evolve just around them. I am a free spirit dragon, and I have lived my life in a way others do not understand. To admire me from the ground or fly with me, no one managed to ever try to cage me.
Maybe I have to sacrifice a little bit and I have always pray it is for the better me. At this moment the feeling of her inside of me gives such sweet sensation; despite the bloatness, limited mobility, memory like Dory and I am walking as if like I am holding a ball in between my thighs. Vulnerability comes in a package. I am so manja, clingy and need the reassurance of love and affection constantly. Keeping myself active, the daily routine of pilates and yoga helps to calm me. Walking in the afternoon around the neighbourhood, getting the blood circulation going and keeping edema and varicose veins at bay. I have a beautiful growing belly without any stretch marks. So blessed.
5 October 2013…
Contractions every 5 minutes. 42 weeks full term and counting minutes. While I am in excruciating pain, Iman and hubby is super excited. She told her Papa to keep his calm and send us to the delivery suite. We reach hospital and the nurses preparing the necessaries. After one hour, the contraction and pain suddenly stop. Mika, anak bertuah. She doesn’t want to come just yet. It was just a false alarm.
So we go back home that night. On the way back, I am feeling sluggish and tired. Iman, my 8 year old daughter, try to cheer me up by making conversation.
Iman : “Mom… For 9 months pregnant you are not fat. You look like 7 months. It is also amazing that you can still solat standing when you are 42 weeks! No one can ever do that”
Me : Thanks Honey. How do you know no full term pregnant lady can solat standing? You know anyone?
Iman: “I google .”
Iman: “You also look very beautiful and you are glowing.”
Me : “Thank you.”
Iman: “Do you think Mika will look like you or Papa? I hope she will look like you”
Me: “I think Papa but with my smile and characters.”
Out of the blue Papa menyampuk (interrupted)
Papa : “ Iman, I want to ask you something. Are you going to visit me often when I am older?”
Iman : “ Only if you promise you are not going to divorce Mom! You swear you won’t divorce Mom and she will be your last and only wife?”
Papa : “Yes. I swear by the moon and the star… That Mom will be my solely wife till the end of my life”
Then he realise,
Papa : “Hey!!! Why you never asked Mom to swear she is not going to leave me? How do you she will stay with me forever?”
Iman : “You ask her yourself!”
Me : LOLs
8 October 2013…
Mikaila was born on 8 October 2013. Just 1 day before her expected due date. I had Water birth at Pantai Specialist, it was such liberating moment, 28 hours in and out of the tub with warm water without epidural. She was truly something. The pain was excruciating. It took me too long to fully dilated to 10cm. When my water broke I was 9cm. After being in so much pain, it felt amazing, few extra moments of peace before the pain started again. After hours of refrained myself to push, I heard Doctor said, “Push!! Push!!” I had no energy left. I screamed so loud, thought I almost died and suddenly it was warm, and relief. It was over. I have done it.
My gynaecologist said, I did very well. I reckon 28 hours in pain was truly something.
I did not fell in love immediately when she was in my arm, she was so wrinkly, with wide baby elephant forehead. All I could think of was I desperately needed hot shower, I needed my sleep.
I woke up when the nurse brought her again to feed. I took her in my arms, and those big, sharp sparkly snake eyes, looked right at me and latched on my breast immediately. I felt the sensation of Oxytocin hormone flooded all over my nerves. Our love grows overtime and stronger each day, as with my other children too. With her cheeky characters, charming, funny and bubbly attitude, she wins everyone heart.
Our life journey continues. She is 4 years and a half now, such a joy to be around with, she adapt perfectly with us. Mikaila brings rezeki and tuah (Wealth and luck), business continue to grow. I am still the same, we travels so much together but there are moments when they have to stay with their aunties and nanny while Mama and Papa have quality time together. Just have faith and courage that they are going to be great, with or without me.
I realise, one of the greatest gifts I have ever gotten are my daughters. Adding one more to my family, I pray they always have each other. Grows up empowered and doesn’t define herself by the way she looks but by qualities that make her kind, courageous, intelligent, confident, strong and responsible woman.
It is such funny thing and bizarre to see our daughter transitioning from baby, our little girl, to suddenly being young woman. I pray that we live long healthy life to see them grow.